dear heart, how like you this?

Take It All.

Sun, 03 Jan 2010 06:13:03 GMT

"Thank you."
"What for?"
"Thank you for reminding me I'm not special You don't even see what you do, do you? Even the moments I think are ours, it's just...you. You working to get what you want."

/EDITED/

You want my love? Take it all. You want to watch it all come off? Take it all. Come on now, show me how you take it all. You want my glove? Are you enthralled? You want to see it away and watch me fall. Oh, we know it's your show. So take it all.

You want the movement, too. See what the hips can do. Come watch the slinky girl, see how the pasties twirl. To make your bells all ring, fulfilling everything you ever wanted.

So go ahead, take it all. You want my soul? Take it all. It's time to leave if I'm to live. Because I have no more, there's nothing left to give.

I watch you rise, I watch you fall while I am standing with my back against the wall. Now it's turn to finally learn. YOU HAD THE WORLD, YOU HAD YOUR FLING, YOU WANTED MORE THAN EVERYTHING. You got your wish, you got your prize, now take it right between your thighs. You grabbed for everything, my friend, but don't you see that in the end, there will be nothing. Left. Of. Me.

-A.

To love at all is to be vulnerable.

Wed, 23 Dec 2009 05:51:27 GMT

You let go; you had your reasons. I can accept that. But when I finally understand all of this, don't decide you still care.

-A.

Time.

Thu, 17 Dec 2009 07:07:49 GMT

Time flies. Time waits for no one. Time heals all wounds. All any of us wants is more time. Time to stand up. Time to grow up. Time to let go. Time.

-A.

The Ugly Truth.

Mon, 07 Dec 2009 19:37:52 GMT

I like it, but I don't.
I want it, but I don't.
I'm fine, but I'm not.

None of this matters, but it does.

-A.

Mon, 07 Dec 2009 04:23:51 GMT

"I don't know if you've ever felt like that.
That you want to sleep for a thousand years.
Or just not exist.
Or just not be aware that you exist.
Or something like that.
I think wanting that is very morbid,
but I want it when I get like this.
That's why I'm trying not to think.
I just want it to all stop spinning."

- The Perks of Being a WallFlower, Stephen Chbosky

-A.

Damaged Goods.

Mon, 30 Nov 2009 17:43:43 GMT

I forced a smile, said,
"Boy, come kiss my mouth—I'll set you free.
You know that hope you're holding to? It looks an awful lot like fear.
Now, you're so quick to fall on failure, and so quick to raise your voice, like,
'If I can't find a mistake to blame, we didn't have a choice.'

Oh, but you had option.
I was your chance to feel complete,
But when I leaned in close to you, you
Kissed your fear instead of me.

You had my hand in your hand,
You had my lip in your teeth,
You had my heart on your sleeve,
You had a chance to breathe.

But, boy, you wouldn't let your fear recede so I moved on.

And it's too late to change your mind now,
You got scared, boy, and I got gone.
Now you failed, and there's no way to turn back time.
You had your chance, boy, I tried."

"You tried?" He looked me in the eye and smiled,
"My girl, you must understand that fear is not some product that I made.
It crept unwelcome in my head the day they had her torn away.
It changed me.

Now at the end of everyday I lie awake at night and wait
To feel the wires of my brain get cut and quietly rearranged, and
Hear my beaten heart exclaim, 'Still, I refuse to let her go.'"

So we escape to our mistakes for they wait patiently for us.
Oh, how they always wait for me.

If my fear has kept me here only my fear can set me free.

And I'm sorry, dear, but don't you dare say another word.
How could I risk holding your heart in me while still in love with her?

You were wrong."

-A.

Fri, 13 Nov 2009 03:28:43 GMT

NNNNNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!

My heart. It hurts.

-A.

I was once a loyal lover.

Mon, 09 Nov 2009 17:13:29 GMT

You can't even begin to know how many times I've told myself "I told you so". And you can't even begin to believe there's so many bridges engulfed in flames behind me.

-A.

Meet Me on the Equinox.

Thu, 05 Nov 2009 05:15:21 GMT

Let me give my love to you
Let me take your hand
As we walk in the dimming light
Oh, darling understand

That everything, everything ends.

-A.

It Was Love.

Fri, 23 Oct 2009 23:16:07 GMT

You found a way to break away from the one you say that you love. Now you cry out your eyes day and night. You set free the one that you love. And it's true, I don't remember you, but I believe you if you say that we met. I get confused. Nights, I've been wondering. I thought I was already dead.

but man, I loved
Yeah, I loved
When I loved
It was love.
It was love.
Or at least, the closest I got.

And the coffee, the cream, the blood in my dreams are the ones you used to know. And the gas, the plane, the interstate live the ones you don't have to know. And I regret this sad and awful truth. But my mouth, it'll get away from me. You, I just put up with you, kid. I stayed cause you wouldn't leave.

Remember love?
Oh, love.
When we loved,
It was love.
It was love.
Or at least, as close as I've come.

And maybe Joan was running all alone. And there is a shortcut by putting a gun to your brain. Man, to take all that you got. And the truth was I was just scared for you. But for me, that's the way that it comes. You'd gotten used to me and my awful tongue. But god, didn't we have some fun when we made love in the van and I drove with your hand on my lap? And when san diego got too unkind, we just picked up and left it behind. And we had some love and some hope, a full tank of gas and a wide open road.

It was love.
To us, it was all that we had.
And there are days when you just break the best thing you had.

And I still call it love for now, it's the closest I've come

-A.

Fri, 25 Sep 2009 05:59:42 GMT

:)

God, I'm such a girl.

-A.

Enough.

Sat, 29 Aug 2009 03:56:19 GMT

"That's what I'm afraid of. Not being enough."

-A.

Fools and Luxury.

Thu, 27 Aug 2009 18:00:30 GMT

Come on, take me down. Once it’s lost you know we won’t ever have it back. And there was nothing I could do to change the facts. You know I tried, you know I tried.

I threw you all I have. I should have known, it never falls just where you plan. And there are rules I was not meant to understand. I should have known, I should known. Understand I should have known, I should have known

And so I’m giving you the gun. Put your finger on the trigger. I’ve known you in the morning with your soft eyes dreaming. You were the one who could blind me with the mirror and I can’t see. And I don’t need this no more

You put your love upon the cross. You know you sealed it in the darkness all along. Did you think that I could roll away the stone? I’m just a child, I’m just a child. You know I tried, I’m just a child, I’m just a child

So I’m giving you the gun. Put your finger on the trigger. I’ve known you in the morning with your soft eyes dreaming. You were the one who could break me with the whisper. And I’m broken. And I won’t take your time no more

Mother, make my bed. A lady shot me and she’s left me here to die. Sit beside me now and promise you won’t cry when I am gone, when I am gone.

You won’t cry when I am gone, when I am gone.
Now, you won’t cry when I am gone, when I am gone.
Now, you won’t cry when I am gone, when I am gone.

-A.

Tue, 25 Aug 2009 05:59:29 GMT

He greets me with kisses when good days deceive him and sometimes with scorn, and sometimes I believe him. And sometimes I'm convinced my friends think I am crazy, get scared and call him, but he's usually hazy. By one in the morning day is not ended, by two he is scared and sleep is no friend, and by four he will drink but cannot feel it. Sleep will not come because sleep does not will it. And I dont believe him. Morning is mocking me.

I can't control you. I dont know you well; these are the reasons I think that you're ill.

And last that I saw him, last that we talked down by a river. Silent and hardened. Morning was mocking us, blood hit the sky. I was just happy, my manic and I. He couldn’t see me; the sun was in his eyes.

And birds were singing to calm us down.

I’m sorry young man, I cannot be your friend. I don’t believe in a fairytale end. I don’t keep my head up all of the time. I’m find it dull when my heart meets my mind. And I hardly know you, I think I can tell. These are the reasons I think that I’m ill. I hardly know you, I think I can tell. These are the reasons I think that we’re ill. And the gods that he believes never fail to disappoint me. And the birds are singing to calm us down.

I was just happy, my manic and I.

-A.

"They'll never hurt you like I do."

Mon, 10 Aug 2009 03:47:37 GMT

This song means an entire city to me.

-A.

Lua.

Fri, 07 Aug 2009 05:01:04 GMT

I know that it is freezing, but I think we have to walk. I keep waving at the taxis, they keep turning their lights off. But Julie knows a party at some actor's West side loft. Supplies are endless in the evening by the morning they'll be gone

When everything is lonely I can be my own best friend. I'll get a coffee and the paper, have my own conversations with the sidewalk and the pigeons and my window reflection. The mask I polish in the evening by the morning looks like shit

And I know you have a heavy heart, I can feel it when we kiss. So many women stronger than me have thrown their backs out trying to lift it. But me I'm not a gamble, you can count on me to split. The love I sell you in the evening by the morning won't exist.

You're looking skinny like a model with your eyes all painted black. Just keep going to the bathroom, always say you'll be right back. Well, it takes one to know one, kid, I think you've got it bad. But what's so easy in the evening by the morning's such a drag

I got a flask inside my pocket, we can share it on the train and if you promise to stay conscious I will try and do the same. We might die from medication, but we sure killed all the pain. But what was normal in the evening by the morning seems insane

And I'm not sure what the trouble was that started all of this. The reasons all have run away, but the feeling never did. It's not something I would recommend, but it is one way to live. Cause what is simple in the moonlight by the morning never is.

It was so simple in the moonlight now it's so complicated. It was so simple in the moonlight.
So simple in the moonlight.

-A.

Tue, 28 Jul 2009 05:44:44 GMT

I don't know what I've done or if I like what I've begun. But something told me to run and honey you know me; it's all or none. There were sounds in my head. Little voices whispering that I should go and this should end. Oh and I found myself listening

See I thought love was black and white, that it was wrong or it was right. But you ain't leaving without a fight and I think I am just as torn inside.

And I won't be far from where you are if ever you should call. You meant more to me than anyone I ever loved at all. But you taught me how to trust myself and so I say to you: "This is what I have to do."

'Cause I don't know who I am, who I am without you. All I know is that I should. And I don't know if I can stand another hand upon you. All I know is that I should.

'Cause she will love you more than I could. She who dares to stand where I stood.

She who dares to stand where I stood.

-A.

The Bucket List.

Tue, 20 May 2008 22:36:08 GMT

*(Things to do before I die. Some things written years ago, some just now):

1.) Have children.
~~2.) Fall in love.~~
3.) Meet The One
4.) Plan and have my dream wedding.
5.) Write and publish a novel.
6.) ~~Become an organ donor.~~
~~7.) Adopt a pet.~~
8.) Master my favourite songs on the guitar.
~~9.) Try on wedding dresses for fun with friends.~~
10.) Plant a tree.
~~11.) Get a tattoo.~~
12.) Have a New Year's Kiss.
13.) Drink tea in London.
14.) French kiss in Paris.
15.) Eat pizza and pasta in Italy.
16.) Eat rice in Asia.
17.) ~~Smoke up on 4/20.~~
18.) Be in two places at once.
19.) Have a drunken one night stand.
20.) ~~Get high in High Park.~~
21.) Hold a koala.
22.) Send a message in a bottle.
23.) ~~Stay out all night partying.~~
24.) Buy my own house and make it a home.
25.) Grow a garden.
~~26.) Go on a road trip.~~
27.) Walk on the Great Wall of China.
28.) Keep a piece of the Berlin Wall.
29.) Go on an African Safari.
30.) Ride on a gondola in Venice.
31.) Visit Juliet's alleged balcony in Verona.
32.) Slap someone hard across the face and mean it.
33.) Donate blood.
34.) Make a positive impact in someone's life.
35.) Be a maid of honour.
36.) Be a godmother.
37.) Visit all continents. (2 down).
38.) See a movie at the drive in.
39.) Visit Disney Land.
40.) Visit the yet-to-be-built Harry Potter theme park and try not to cry tears of happiness.
41.) See the Northern Lights.
42.) Vote.
~~43.) See a shooting star.~~
44.) ~~Fly a kite.~~
45.) Sleep under the stars.
46.) See the Golden Gate Bridge in San Francisco.
47.) Visit the concentration camps in Germany.
~~48.) Graduate high school.~~
49.) ~~Open my university letter and get accepted.~~
50.) Party in Vegas.
51.) Take a trip all by myself.
52.) ~~Milk a cow.~~
53.) ~~Become a vegetarian.~~
54.) Send my parents on their dream vacation.
55.) Eat sushi in Japan.
56.) Move out
57.) ~~Carry a python.~~
58.) ~~Be on television.~~
59.) Graduate university.
60.) ~~Be on the radio.~~
61.) ~~Sing and perform in front of a large group of people.~~
62.) ~~Perform in a play.~~
63.) Kiss on a ferris wheel.
64.) Kiss in the rain.
65.) ~~Have a hot kiss backed up against a wall.~~
~~66.) Sleep in a hammock.~~
67.) Sit on a rooftop and look up at the stars.
68.) Learn to love myself.
69.) Pierce something other than my ear lobes.
70.) Climb to the top of the Eiffel Tower.
71.) French kiss in Paris.
72.) CARPE DIEM.
73.) Ride a mechanical bull.
74.) ~~Have a friend with benefits.~~
75.) ~~Run with the bulls.~~
76.) Take someone's breath away.
77.) Give away the key on my lock and key necklace.
78.) ~~Get into a fist fight.~~
79.) ~~Carve my name in a tree.~~
80.) Get my fortune told.

More to come, more to be done.

xoxo: ALEXA